my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
