this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
