and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
