turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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