pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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