Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
