You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize