Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
