All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
