Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
