dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
