bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
