he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize