i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Randomize
