Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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