I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize