In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
