then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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