we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
People in love make me want to vomit
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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