There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize