so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
