I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
