so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
