I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
