when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
