You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
