my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Randomize
