No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
