you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
