I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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