My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
