There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
