By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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