Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
