Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize