if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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