Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
