i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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