pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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