You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize