please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize