just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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