operation harelip BJ is a go
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
