They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
