She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize