even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
