I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
