I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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