dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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