ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
