It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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