They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
