I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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