I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
