Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize