grandma shit on top of the toilet
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
