What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
