just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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