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Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I want a musical about memes.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize