He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
