So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
