I can text with my tongue
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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