Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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