So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
