I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
