you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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