im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
