Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
