I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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